


Fears

by MechanicalMetamorphosis



Category: Ayabie (Band), SID (band)
Genre: Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-31
Updated: 2013-01-31
Packaged: 2017-11-27 16:33:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/664111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MechanicalMetamorphosis/pseuds/MechanicalMetamorphosis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Are you happy?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fears

“Are you happy?”

Hearing the question made me turn around. I think I spent a good ten seconds just staring at him. Only then did an answer breach my lips.

“Why are you asking that?”

He just shook his head to dismiss it, then went to the living room, leaving me alone in the bedroom to sort out what to wear. But then, all I could do was look in front of me, not really seeing anything anymore. Was I happy? The lack of answer depressed me. But deep down, I knew.

After that, Kenzo didn’t bring the subject up again. We just went on with our lives, day by day. We had things to occupy ourselves. Sometimes, I just sat there, listening to him going on and on and on about things I didn’t care about. Or about his insecurities. That, I did care about. It made me feel responsible in a way. Like I knew I wasn’t all he needed. Or I didn’t try hard enough.

Sometimes, his fear regarding my attraction towards Tora made me smile. Other days, it made me angry. At one point, I think the idea of going with Tora did cross my mind quite seriously. But I also knew he wasn’t what I needed. It wouldn’t have been more than a fling, a meaningless nights tangled in sheets, maybe a few more, but nothing more than that. Never. I knew I couldn’t bring myself to love him.

Kenzo, I did love him. He had been my first male lover. And he was the first to get me to play with the idea of staying with him for years and years. To live with him maybe. And knowing my thoughts regarding serious, committed relationships, it was quite a thing to accomplish.

But then, slowly, things started to go downwards. My mind started to drift away. And no, my thoughts weren’t revolving around Tora, but they weren’t revolving around Kenzo either. Only then did I start to ask myself if what we had was what I needed.

A few weeks later, my arms around his waist from behind, we just stared at each other through the mirror.

“You’re not, are you...?”

I knew what he was talking about. I laid my chin on his shoulder and sighed.

“No, I don’t think I am...”


End file.
